Online Poker Meets the Planet of the Apes

ure everyone at one time or another has seen arare skill to bluff.
painting of a group of gentlemanly canines engaged inSince there is no way to identify the poker players
an anthropomorphic game of poker as created byonline due to its anonymous nature, no one knows if
Cassius Coolidge in his wonderful series of pokertheir opponents are human or something other than
playing dog paintings. But check this out, the artistshuman. That player who started off betting small and
whimsicality was not entirely removed from reality.showing his lame cards to all, the one who much later
You may be nave enough to think that chips andbet large, had everyone call, then gleefully showed
chimps cannot play together as a team and it soundsaces was probably one of the non-humans. The
more like something out of a Douglas Adams novel.players had no idea he then jumped up and down,
Should you ever play online poker with a player whopounded his chest and demanded a banana.
has an ape photo for his icon, it may not have beenNot coincidentally, the primate-payers were initially
just a player with an odd sense of humor, the dudehired as computer programmers. They actually
that took your money by his excellent play maydevelop programs by themselves as a side line to
really be a poker playing primate. I kid you not. Apesplaying poker. PPI has not yet revealed the content
can do a lot more than wield tools in this twenty firstof these programs. Certainly, though, they could go
century of technological advances and "intelligencefor a career in professional online-poker playing. They
explosion" they can also beat you at online poker.don't seem to want to pursue this career choice,
Primate Programming Inc has established that greathowever. When they leave the office, they are very
apes (sharing 97% of their DNA with us) makeapt to neglect all their training and go back to climbing
efficient IT specialists. Individuals are employed byfences and eating bananas. Even so, if they are paid
PPI, undergo training and offer their services to PPIregularly, given three squares a day and a boyfriend
clients for peanuts. A later PPI discovery was thator girlfriend, David Sklansky and Ed Miller may have to
the same employees, for purposes of pastime orupdate their No-limit Hold'em instruction books very
secondary sources of income, are capable of beingsoon.
taught to play online poker, evincing particular talentFor the past several years, Norm McAuliffe, a Yale
for no-limit Texas Hold'em.biology Phd and the scientist heading the research
No-limit poker appeals to these employees becauseteam behind the discovery of programmer apes, has
of their natural bent for playful (and sometimesbeen investing money and effort into a Primate
serious) displays of aggression. PPI tells us that is thisPoker Inc, "hiring" profitable ape-players to play for
quality that makes them outstanding bluffers.money in rotating shifts, 24 hours a day. He has been
Aggressive bluffing in no-limit games allows the playerquoted as saying: "I'm completely committed to this
to bet it all at any time. This rule of the gamebusiness model. It is reasonable to say I am "all in".
requires edgy, aggressive behavior and the rather