| It can be very unsettling if someone you care about | | | | the victim's fault. Don't pressure her to leave and |
| is being abused by their partner. Domestic violence | | | | don't make that decision for her. At this time, focus |
| is quite common and is usually committed by men | | | | only on supporting her and building her confidence. |
| against women. This behavior can be | | | | Let her know that you will be there for whatever |
| life-threatening, frightening and confusing. It is a | | | | she needs. |
| crime and is therefore never acceptable. Your | | | | |
| support can make a difference. You may even help | | | | 4. Give her facts about domestic violence |
| to save a life. The question that you may ask now | | | | Give her facts and statistics that have been published |
| is:"What can I do to help?" Here are some actions | | | | by professionals in the area of domestic violence so |
| that you can take if you believe that your friend or | | | | that she can make an informed decision as to what |
| family member is being abused. | | | | her next step should be. The most important facts |
| | | | | include: |
| Six steps to take in helping a friend or family member | | | | - The fact that she is a victim of abuse and that the |
| who is a victim of domestic violence: | | | | abuse not only affects her, but also affects the |
| | | | | children. |
| 1. Become well informed about options | | | | - Help her to understand that domestic violence is |
| Before approaching the victim, find out all of the | | | | never acceptable. |
| options that are available for help. Make a list with | | | | |
| addresses, phone numbers and contact names. Call | | | | 5. Help her develop a safety plan (a plan of escape) |
| the numbers and ask questions about what help they | | | | Help her to develop a plan to use for her and her |
| can give to abuse victims. | | | | children if an emergency situation arises, include: |
| | | | | - A plan for how to get her and the children out of |
| 2. Question the victim about the situation-in a gentle | | | | the house |
| manner. | | | | - A place to go that is safe and that her partner is |
| Since the victim may not feel comfortable about | | | | not aware of |
| revealing her situation because of fear of her partner, | | | | - A packed bag with articles of clothing and |
| or embarrassment and humiliation, approach her in a | | | | identification, important phone numbers, credit cards |
| gentle and sensitive manner. Tell her of your | | | | and extra money |
| concern and that you've noticed certain things and | | | | - Transportation ready- gas in the car, spare car |
| are worried about her. Her fear, embarrassment or | | | | keys easily found, door unlocked, and bag in the car |
| humiliation may be such that she is unwilling to talk. | | | | - A code word that will let you know of the |
| Don't give up. Wait for her signal that she is ready; | | | | emergency |
| however keep an eye on her for any signs of | | | | - Get names and phones of her closest relatives to |
| escalation of the violence. | | | | alert them of the situation so thatthey will not worry. |
| | | | | |
| 3. Listen, don't judge and give moral support | | | | 6. Help her seek professional help and guidance |
| If the victim is willing to talk, the most important | | | | Tell her about your research into agencies that give |
| thing that you can do is to listen. Listen and don't | | | | help to abuse victims. Give her names, addresses |
| judge. Don't blame her for the abuse. It is never | | | | and phone number of places that can help her. |